2010 - FIX THE REDS - THE CLARK PLAN

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Various User Comments on how to Fix the Reds prior to 2010

Click here for my historical view of the progression of steroid denials

Spring Training is listed first and the ongoing updates - unlike previous years - are now under the original spring training post as each new post builds on the wit and wisdom of the previous post.

Fire Dusty Baker
ST  Nice guy, but before Cuerto and Chapman have to have tendons taken out of their respective cocks and inserted into their pitching elbow due to Baker having them each throw 11,000 pitches every start, let's get rid of Baker and hire a manager without a trail of great pitchers destroyed by the age of 24 in his wake.  Baker already had Volquez get a cock tendon and Harang hasn't been the same since Baker showed up.  Two straight Cy Young quality seasons the two years before Baker and two straight massive dumps the two years Baker has been here.  Between the pitching carnage expected and the horrible daily lineups Baker makes out (McDonald last year starting for two months was the single dumbest thing I have ever witnessed), Baker simply is bad.  Fire him and hire Jose Oquendo who is currently the Third Base coach for St. Louis.  Walt loves Jose and the Reds have a lot of (and after Chapman, a lot more too) Spanish (or Cuban so shut the hell up) speaking players.  Jose continues to wait for The Genius to quit, die or DUI himself into a pole.  He might just want to come over to the Reds and do a Piniella which is to take a good team from a bad manager and win a World Series.
April 10  Does Dusty require his players to swing at the first pitch every time?  These guys are tough to watch already as they come out of the dugout swinging at f'ing everything.  Dusty ran off Adam Dunn with his walking all the time and not "being aggressive" - Dunn put up huge numbers every year with the Reds and since he left no Red has come close to repeating them.  But Baker hated Dunn being on the bases and wanted him to drive in runs - actually Dunn could do both as he hit 40 HR's every year with a great OB%.  Dusty hates the OB% - "Jeesh you guys, get off the bases."
April 18  What a horrible team - uninspired, bored players ... no one can hit, pitchers throw a zillion pitches each inning ... Rolen is hurt with a bad back (a bad back??? ... who is he?  Dr. Smith from Lost in Space???) ... Baker is wrong to manager any young team as his managerial prowess stops at telling his players to "be aggressive" - and the Reds get younger each year making Baker a bad manager getting worse every year.  As with most Reds that get fired - Baker will never get the same job in the majors again - Look at Bob Boone, Dave Miley, Jerry Narron, Pete MacKanin (ok he doesn't count) and now Baker once fired.  He will never be hired as a manager again just like Bob, Dave, and Jerry and these four ass-clowns have been managing the Reds for ten years.  How did this horrible bunch of bums get a $71 million payroll.  They suck ...
May 1 Two outs, bottom of the 7th, tie game, runner on second base, Pujols batting with first base open facing Homer Bailey (pitch count around 120 at that point) for the 4th time in the game and the count is 3-2 --- Does Baker walk Pujols? Of course not .... f'ing moron.  ------ Earlier in the week, the Reds had about three base running mistakes in one game but somehow won the game and Baker said "You don't mind those when you win"  - Nothing about why they happened, nothing about fixing them ... just la de da ... la de fucking da ... we won so we didn't make any mistakes.
June 27  If they bring Gary Matthews up from AAA (they didn't sign him not to bring him up soon), the only good thing will be that the Reds will start losing and then they can fire Baker in the November. 

Phillips can't bat 4th -
ST  He needs to bat 6th.  Just f'ing put him 6th or 2nd or somewhere else.  It's not that tough a call not to have an obvious non-4 hitter not batting 4th. 
April 10 This is a no-brainer but for some reason, Baker loves the guy batting ... uhhhh ... where other teams have guys like Prince Fielder, Ryan Howard and Matt Holliday - we have our second baseman - he of a career Reds' Slugging Percentage of around .440.  Why don't you just let him bat all nine spots ... "Time!!!!, ghost runner on first ... Brandon's up again ..."
May 1  The Clark Plan scores yet another Home Run when after 400 games and 2+ year winning percentage of around .467, Dusty gets head out of ass long enough to realize he has the worst 4th hitter in baseball in Phillips.  He moves him to 2nd and the Reds win five in row.

Votto and Bruce should bat 3rd and 4th - or 3rd and 5th.  And gawd forbid Baker put them back to back against RH starters as that other manager may bring in a lefty later in the game ... the big Meany.

Dickerson is a role player, not a starter and Gomes should play everyday
ST I start Gomes almost every game and give him 500 At Bats ...
April 10 And if we released Dickerson, he would never start for another team in the league either ... just like most of the guys Baker has loved and ultimately released because they suck big time.
June 27  Yet another Home Run for the Clark Plan as Gomes is having a great year and is being hinted at being on the All Star team.  Never would have happened without Dickerson getting hurt because with Dickerson on the DL, it took any thought process (not Dusty's strong suit) away from Dusty making out the lineup.  Dusty would have played Gomes twice a week and Dickerson three times a week and Nix once a week - he would have Stubbs playing then not playing and the outfield would have been like last year - horrible.

 Stubbs is an everyday player
April 10  He's got speed, apparently he has some power, he's steals bases and he plays pretty good defense.  Nahhhh ... sign someone else who can't hit, field, or throw like we've done the last two years.
May 1  I got a little flack for this one since Stubb struck out like a million times in a row but he should still play everyday as he is better than Dickerson, Gomes and Nix - Stubbs isn't blocking anyone in the minors so if you don't start him everyday, who you gonna play in CF?
June 27  Now everyone pretty much likes Stubbs as he is getting a lot of big hits ... if they bring up the 35 year old, former 'roided, limping piece of shit, can't hit/field/run, motherfucking Gary Matthews and play him over Stubbs, I will close my eyes and wait until March of next year and see how the weather is in Arizona during Spring Training 2011. 

Reds Ownership and Sr. Leadership are horrible
April 20  The Reds have had five managers and four GM’s since 2002 and not one (except Bowden who promptly went out and got fired for allegedly “taxing” Latin players' signing bonuses and directing the tax to his leather pants fund) of them has been re-hired by another team in the same capacity the Reds had them working - not one (with the 100% guarantee no one will ever hire Baker once the Reds fire him). Which proves that the Reds upper, upper management has no clue how to judge ... really anything within the organization. They drift from one hire to the next hoping that THAT hire has all the answers - because there is no plan to execute since there is no plan.  The Reds are clueless so every year or two they dump their high priced players for younger guys … but the younger guys get dumped right back into the same stupid system that didn’t work with the players they just dumped.  Every two or three years they reboot the manager and GM and hope the next group of people in charge do something. Ten straight losing seasons in the weakest division in baseball - these current players aren’t the 76 Reds obviously, but the organization is simply horrible.
June 27  The paragraph above was a tad harsh don't you think?  All true of course ... Walt has two chances remaining and his 2011 manager is a huge decision.  Pick me as the Clark Plan has never been wrong.

More to follow
... as Baker sits in the dugout with no runners on base - you know, clogging them up - "Get off the damn bases you morons, as manager I am trying to score some runs here - now Corey ... I mean Willie ... I mean McDonald ... I mean Mini Me, get a bat, go to the plate and swing as hard as you can at the first pitch you see regardless if it is a strike - you know be aggressive - I'd rather have you be aggressive and hit a harmless 108 foot popup to short right field, than get on base with a walk and get them bases things all gummed up while we're trying to score some runs."

Duct Tape George Grande to a slow-moving train out of Cincinnati
The Clark Plan scores a home run when the Reds told George to get lost.  Amazingly, George talked the entire time that he was getting fired and left the meeting thinking he and Chris Welsh were going to have lunch and talk about chicks.  As I wrote below, George is the nicest guy in the world but wearing bad cologne and talking non-stop can only get you so far in life. 
2007 ... "get'emon/get'emover/get'emin" ... can the guy just shut the hell up for a second?  I've met George a few times, nicest guy in the world, but you don't have to talk every friggin second of the game. Chris Welsh must want to throw him out of the Press Box sometimes.
2008 The best thing about going to the Reds game is you don't have to listen to GG talk like a crack addict trying to score some blow ... worst thing about going to the Reds games is witnessing a group of hillbillies in the row in front of you throw racial slurs around while dipping Skoal, drinking a beer an inning and saying things like "geeedaheetyadumbass"
2009 I was in Cleveland for the Reds series and stayed at the Marriott (where the Reds also stay) and in walks GG - so I said hi and shook his hand and he told me I was responsible for the runs in Sunday's game and on and on and on - two things, he had some nasty cologne that was stinking up the joint and he said the same thing to me three times in the five minutes we talked - which might explain why he says the same thing every game and never shuts the hell up.
2010 I met George at Opening Day this year.  He's still the nicest guy in the world - next to Dusty of course - but George likes base runners so he can say "get'emon/get'emover/get'emin".  Also, it should noted he has changed cologne and no longer smells like a dead body.

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