Retail Stores

 

Is it possible to buy something these days from a retail store without getting a thousand questions from the dumbshit taking your money?  Who gives a fuck about their Preferred Club or their Rewards Program?  The Extended Warranty they try to sell is also a colossal waste of time and money.

And when you say no to all of their offers, they get an attitude about your decision making ability.  Hey dipshit, you point a laser beam all day at a Bar code on the side of a piece of paper or plastic and then collect the amount of money that displays on your cash register - not real taxing work if you ask me - so why don't you take your laser, your attitude and your stupid fucking Club and shove it up your reTAIL.

The conversation usually goes something like this:

Me:  I'd like to buy this printer please.

Retail person:  Are you a member of our Rewards Program?

... No

Would you like to know more about the Program?

... No

You could save 10% on your purchase today.

... Fuck off

Really?  You could save $15 on this purchase today.

... Look Ass Eyes, I'm not going to join your stupid club ... just ring up the order, shut the fuck up and put my shit in a bag and let me leave.  You're lucky I don't shove that laser gun up your ass until you hit the High C note from the song Funky Town.

OK, so no on the Rewards Program then, is that correct?

... Correct, I wasn't sure I was being clear on that point so thanks for verifying.

Oh, we also offer an Extended Warranty on this item.  It is $19.95 for two years and if anything ever breaks on this printer, we replace the printer for free.

... No thanks

Really?  It's only $19.95 and it is for two years. To repair this printer here is $49 just for service, let alone the parts.

... Well if it breaks, I won't bring it here to get fix.  And by the way, was my first answer of "No thanks" somehow unclear to you?  You're lucky I don't take your balls, shove them in a blender and hit liquefy.

Well I will put some information on the Extended Warranty in the bag and you can review it - you have two weeks to purchase it if you decide you want it later.  I will also put in the information on the Rewards Program in case you change your mind.

... Pal - I am going to fistfuck your sister on my way out of here.