Paying for dinner

Was paying for dinner with a credit card and the idiot waiter actually made a big production out of the Visa receipt while saying this ...

Waiter - "Thank you for dining with us tonight, I've enclosed two copies of your receipt, you need to sign one copy and leave it on the table and take the other copy with you". 

I replied - "You want me to do what?"

... You need to sign one copy and take the other with you

... Why?

... because that's how you complete the Visa transaction

... Since when?

... it's always been that way when you pay with a credit card

... Then why are you running around the table barking orders like Martin Scorsese directing a movie - I know how to sign the fucking Visa slip dumbass.  Just leave the goddamn thing next to me on the table and I believe I can take it from there.  You know I did manage to dress all by myself this morning and I didn't need anyone to lay out my clothes for me the night before.  I also drove here (and no I did not text while driving like you probably did you punk-ass bitch waiter fuck) in a car I bought from money earned from a job ... so fuck you and next time I eat here, I am making you take the first bite of my food seeing as I now have to be on the "Piss on all food he orders" category.

... Sounds good - don't forget to sign the receipt.