Activia

If there was any doubt that this product actually performs as intended, you should officially be converted to "I believe!"

You know about this product right?  The yogurt that is always being eaten on TV by that big ole' hermaphrodite Jamie Lee Curtis and a bunch of her equally manly friends where they are trying ever so delicately to tell us how much they shit after they eat Activia.

You know they're filming this idiotic commercial with a bunch of women sitting around in full make-up for hours doing take after take to get the commercial right - and they're eating spoonful after spoonful of this colon blow on each take.  Hell yeah, by the end of the day, they could probably park a couple of Corvettes in their colons and still have room for the rear spoilers.  You know at one point one of them had to stand up and say - Fuck me, I have to go take a shit ... now ... I mean RIGHT ... FUCKING ... NOW!!!!!

A couple of weekends ago, I ate two of these little chunky-monkey motherfuckers and then an apple and another one on Sunday.  Monday morning included a couple cups of coffee and another apple ... by mid morning, I was delirious and seeing dead relatives as I ran down the hall ready to have the entire Von Trapp family come flying out of my ass.  After reviewing my "result", I thought about calling Spielberg and asking him if is going to film another Jurassic Park movie as he could fling this "result" out into the dinosaur area.  Screw the CGI and special effects ...

So next time you see the Activia commercials, try not to think of Jamie Lee Curtis actually having a cock, just think that every time the Director yelled CUT, half of women in the scene bitched slapped each other as they raced to the toilet.